In the weeks prior to Mother’s Day, the card aisle is full of people looking for that perfect sentiment on folded cardstock. These days, there are a variety of cards that are guaranteed to make your mom:

• cry over words that perfectly sum up how much she is loved and appreciated
• laugh at sentiments of appreciation cleverly wrapped inside of jokes
• jump as she is hit with a loud burst of music when the card is opened

Even though these cards vary in the emotions they invoke, they all are saying the same thing:

“Thanks for being a great mom. I love you.”

Moms play many different roles, so it’s easy to understand how there is a seemingly endless variety of cards to select from. However, there are five things that most moms do to express their love for their children that you probably won’t find on a Mother’s Day card. I say ‘probably’ because there are a few interesting cards out there, so who knows for sure…

 

“Thanks for making all my milestones ‘official’ by announcing them publicly.”

 

The first word, first step, first birthday, first tooth lost, first A on a report card, first armpit hair, first period…

Moms know that none of these milestones actually happen until they are publicly announced. Before the days of Internet social media, this was accomplished by phone calls or chats around the card table. Family, neighbors, friends, postmen—all were informed of these milestones, making them official.

Now, moms just post to their preferred social media site—not only making it official by informing everyone, but also recording it forever in case someday you wanted to know how your first day of potty training went.

Without these public announcements, we’d all still be babies lying on the floor, blowing spit bubbles, and trying to eat our feet.

 

“Thanks for making sure I went poop every day.”

New moms are told before they leave the hospital to make sure their baby has regular bowel movements. This turns into a form of obsession as moms will not only make sure their baby has pooped, but will also analyze the contents to make sure it ‘looks right.’

As the child grows out of diapers, moms still pay attention to their child’s #2 schedule. Without a diaper to inspect, moms relay on their innate detective skills to figure it out. They pay attention to how long the child has been in the bathroom. They go in after to ‘smell’ the evidence. They check for stains on underwear as they do the laundry.

If all that fails, moms will resort to the direct and embarrassing approach by asking, “When was the last time you pooped?”

Moms know that regularly depositing a #2 is the best remedy when a child complains of a tummy ache, or just plain doesn’t feel right. By keeping their pulse on their child’s regularity, a mom can quickly determine if they need to take a drive to the doctor, or take a walk to the toilet.

 

“Thanks for teaching me how to pick my nose the right way.”

 

Let’s be real—at some point we’ve all been faced with that stubborn booger that feels like a gigantic rock inside our nose. You blow and blow until it feels like your head will pop off, but still it doesn’t budge. There’s no option left but to put finger into nose.

Yes, we like to pretend that we’ve never done something as disgusting as pick our nose. We scold our children for it and tell them not to do it.

But a good mom knows that in reality some day their child will need to pick his or her nose, and she will teach him or her how to do it without anyone noticing. More importantly, she will teach her child that it really is NOT okay to eat the boogers pulled out.

 

“Thanks for the endless supply of embarrassing photos.”

 

Bowl shaped haircuts. Matching sibling outfits. Naked in the bath. Underroos. Questionable family poses. Those Glamour Shots…

It may not seem like it when these photos are blown up to poster size and used for decoration at graduation parties, but they do come from a place of love. Moms know that without these photos haunting their children, they wouldn’t be motivated when they become a parent to take as many pictures as possible—hoping to catch that moment of future embarrassment. Because for each of those embarrassing photos, there are at least 10 that capture a moment the child actually wants to remember.

But there’s another reason. Moms, being the original social media mega network, knew that some day the network would need to evolve. They may not have been able to envision exactly what would happen, but they knew. The card tables weren’t big enough. The postman no longer came to the door. Something would have to shift. Now with sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter those photos are valuable. For some people, their only shot at 15 minutes of fame comes in the form of Awkward Family Photos, or through the trend of recreating childhood photos as adults. These are like gold in the viral community.

 

“Thanks for teaching me the most important phrases in the parenting language.”

 

• “Because I said so.”
• “Don’t make me pull this car over.”
• “Knock it off, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.”
• “You don’t want to find out what’ll happen if I get to one. 5…4…3…”
• “If you ask me that one more time…”
• “I taught you better than that.”
• “Do I look like I’m made out of money?”

Children often proclaim that they’d never say these things to their own children. They’d be patient and talk to them. They’d reason and discuss rather than cut conversations short with clichéd sentences.

But moms knew. As ridiculous as these phrases sound, they are somehow effective. If not always effective at eliminating the child’s undesired behavior, uttering one of these sentences at least makes it a little easier to stay sane in the crazy world of parenting.

And every mom tries to hide her smile each time she hears her adult child use one of these lines.

So, moms—on behalf of your child(ren) I thank you for these important, yet often overlooked, parenting actions.

Happy Mother’s Day!