A new first I never want to experience again.

This past Sunday I experienced something for the first time that I hope I never have to experience again.

I’ll start by assuring you that everyone is okay.

We were in Colorado Springs on vacation with family. There were enough of us to have two rental cars. On our first full day of vacation, we went to Garden of the Gods in the morning and then to Pikes Peak. The weather was amazing and it was a great start to the vacation. We were on our way back to the hotel to freshen up before going out to dinner. My husband was driving one vehicle that included our daughter, me, my mom, and my step-dad. The other vehicle behind us included my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law with her husband and daughter.

As I mentioned, my husband was driving. My step-dad was in the passenger seat. My mom and I were in the middle seats, and my daughter was in the 3rd row seat on the passenger side. I was chatting with my mom most of the way, and my daughter was watching something on her Kindle. We were almost to the hotel. My mom was in mid-conversation when suddenly things in the car started moving in a way they shouldn’t have.

It took me a few seconds to realize that we had been hit from behind.

My first instinct was to make sure my daughter was okay. Once she was able to tell me that she wasn’t hurt, my next thought was that the car behind us had been full of family. While I didn’t want to see any car out the back window, I was relieved to find it was not the car that had been traveling with us.

It seems that a driver in another car had been driving aggressively. For some reason, he cut in between our two vehicles at too fast a speed, lost some control and hit the curb, which made him lose complete control and hit us.

I had never been in a car accident before, and even now after it has happened I don’t know that I can describe the feeling to you. It was as if time just suspended for me in those few seconds. The main thing I remember feeling was that I thought the vehicle was going to roll. This was confirmed later by our family traveling in the vehicle behind us who said that our vehicle took some air on the side of impact. Luckily, my husband was able to remain calm and focused during the incident. He did an excellent job of keeping us upright and away from the intersection we had been approaching.

What do I remember the most? The overwhelming fear. It didn’t set in until it was all over. Until I realized exactly where the car had hit us—the back corner on the passenger side.

Right where my daughter was sitting.

I lost it in that moment. Knowing that she could have been badly injured, or worse, if the car had hit us at a higher speed or had hit us just a few more inches up on the passenger side was more than I could handle. Every time I looked at the banged up vehicle, a sob took over. I couldn’t stop thinking about how things could have been so much worse. Even now as I type this, I can feel my heart rate quicken and the tears threaten to fall.

But we were being watched over that day. We were protected and spared any significant injury—just a few bruises for me and my mom.

When I first exited the vehicle after the accident, I saw the driver of the car that hit us. He looked so pained to see the impact of his actions. I immediately went over to him and gave him a hug. I let him know we were all okay, I was just so scared because my daughter had been sitting right where he had hit us. I don’t blame him—he just made a very poor decision. One I hope he’s now learned from.

I know I’ve learned something through all of this. I’ve also been one to make poor decisions when driving. Sometimes I go too fast, try to push that stale yellow light, lose my focus to changing the song on my playlist, get upset with some other driver that cut me off unnecessarily… I’m sure I could list plenty more. I’ve gotten better over the years—for example I have a rule now that I won’t change the radio setting for my daughter unless I’m at a red light. However, I’m sure there is still more I can do.

This accident has confirmed for me that it’s not worth it. At one point when I looked at the damage to the two vehicles, I tried to compare it to other accidents I’ve driven past. To an outsider I knew it wouldn’t look bad. If I had been driving past it, I wouldn’t have been concerned for any of the passengers. In reality, it wasn’t significant and none of us were hurt. However, the emotional pain and the fear that I felt in that moment was anything but insignificant. I don’t want to ever go through that again. And I certainly don’t want to cause anyone else to go through it. I know I’ll look at every accident I pass in a different light from now on.

I know now it’s not just physical damage that can cause pain.

I can’t change the people driving around me, but I can change how I drive. Currently I feel that my main driving challenge comes from being in a hurry when we’re running late. I don’t necessary drive faster, but I don’t drive as cautious as I should. I’m going to do my best to either leave earlier, or be okay with being late.

I understand that I could drive as near to perfect as possible and could still be in an accident. However, at least I would know that I had done everything in my power to avoid it.

What can you do?